To control, or not to control.. is that even a question?

I think that humans are control freaks. Present company excepted.. We want to do the best, be the best, wipe whatever is in our way, out, to get what we want. Use whatever tool we can to make sure that we finish first, that we finish on top.
It is pretty sick really.
When did we stop caring about how the way we behave hurts people?

I hurt people. I was hurt by people. The question I think, is what is next?
Where do I go from here?
What am I in control of?

Its a tough question. There are things I actually am in control of, there are things I wish I were in control of, there are things I need to be in control of, but are not, and there are things that I desperately wish I had no control over.

But it still doesn't answer the inevitable question, What am I in control of?

I can choose. But I am afraid. Period.

Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. They open our eyes to the wonder of the world and inspire us to open our hearts to loved ones and friends. Like a hummingbird, we ... embrace all that life has to offer and to celebrate the joy of everyday. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life’s sweetest creation. 

This beautiful creation demonstrates perfectly, "Joie de vivre." 

To sit and watch a hummingbird work, they seem to be taking in the world around them in a sweet manner. They seem to really stop and smell the flowers. We could learn from them. 

Float freely, love deeply, find joy everywhere, celebrate life everyday, keep our hearts open and available. The grace that a hummingbird exudes... perfection..

I see why God created such a being, we can truly learn from them.

In order to move ahead, I must go back a bit... There are so many variables to this story, that I have been having a hard time figuring out where to begin. It would be easy to say, start at the beginning: but, the beginning, is now. At least the new beginning is.

What is it like to fall in love? What is it like to know for absolute certainty that the people you surround yourself with are real, honest, trustworthy, genuine and gracious? What is it like to kiss someone for the first time and relive every detail as if it just happened yesterday? To feel the tenderness of their lips, the gentleness of their touch, the sweetness in their voice? And..

What about the exact opposite? What is it like to fall out of love? What is it like to know for absolute certainty that the people you invested your entire existence in have lied, were manipulative, used your faith against you, let go of you when you didn't abide by their rules, were the total opposite of gracious? What if you couldn't remember what it was like to give yourself over completely to the one person on this earth that you were suppose to?

How do you tell a story that is so incredible, to unbelievable, so surreal? Well, I will do my best. This is a story that will never end, this I am sure..  A story that will carry on for decades.

It started with silence, a silence so loud that everybody could hear.